2018-11-05 00:00:00

We all love phones. Who doesn’t? Heck, I’ve got a 32gig Rose Gold iPhone SE. You twinkletoes will admire that Gunnery Sergeant Hoo-Ha has a Rosy Goldy iPhoney. And we use them every day on social media and emails and texts and even though we call people, when we’re at the job, it’s like cleaning latrines with toothbrushes.

So finish your palate and grab your Barrett! It’s time to lock n’ load!

#1. Forget

You maggots better not forget your lessons today! Because when you receive a phone call from a customer or a fellow Marine and receive many details about what you’re supposed to do, the human brain can only take so much information before it’s overloaded. When that happens, you’d best just tell them politely to send it via e-mail. And for goodness’ sake, let them send you an e-mail in detail. Ya got that?!

#2. Answering

Everytime we get a phone call from a customer who doesn’t know the difference between an M-16 and an M-14 and the rounds they fire, tell them that you don’t know what they’re doing. But when you get a call from someone who asks you something you can’t answer at the moment, ask them politely to send you ta-ta-da-da! An e-mail! Sheesh, that’s what they’re for, you little schnitzel heads!

#3. Talking 

You had best start talking or I will make you run circles around my beloved Corps till you drop! But if you’re in the civilian sector out of the help of your trusty Gunny and you don’t want to talk about something, you’re gonna have to think fast, like, asking them to send you another e-mail. And make up an excuse to make them send you one. Like tell them you’re working on a big project or that you’re researching that very same topic. Or you could just be witty. Do you maggots understand that?!

Reference: What You Want to Say When Asked to “Hop on the Phone” (and What to Say Instead)

photo credit to: https://thinkgrowth.org